Sunday, November 2, 2008

Why, Lord?

In these days of text messaging, internet forums and strangely accurate set times, it's not often that I'm forced to endure a band that is really, truly awful in order to get to the band I want to see. But last night I was tired and kind of in a funny mood, so I wandered down to Pony around ten, even though the Diamond Sea weren't playing until eleven. This turned out to be a very bad decision, as it meant that I was forced to sit through possibly the worst band I have seen this year: Our Anatomy (lest you think that I bestow this title lightly, I was forced to do some quick mental arithmetic as the band played. Fortunately their songs are longish and boring as all fuck, so I was able to spend some time figuring out if I'd seen Luca Brasi this year. I haven't, so congratulations, Our Anatomy. You've won the only prize you ever will). Seriously the worst kind of late-90s Coldplay-inspired jangly-guitar crescendo-building dross, the band were so bad that they drove me to abuse as early as the first song. "Hey Harriet!" I said to the poor girl next to me, whose name, fortunately, was Harriet, "Do you like Radiohead? I like Radiohead! I bet these guys like Radiohead a lot!" It seems I had said it louder than I thought. One of the band members uttered "Harsh," into the mic. "Harsh but fair," I countered. Another band members wondered aloud how they could go on with any confidence after a call like that, to which I could only think to myself, "Well son, perhaps you should just stop." But I didn't say it. Harriet kindly pointed out that abuse like that is best written on the internet and captured for posterity. So here we are.

The saddest thing about this band is not that the lead singer / guitarist was wearing boat shoes (I looked around outside to see where he had parked his yacht, to no avail) or that I'm willing to bet that he spent a long time perfectly positioning his neckerchief. No, the saddest thing here was that this band has one of the best drummers going around in Scotty from the Diamond Sea. To see such talent going to waste is always a tearjerker. Give that boy a grind band asap.

Other than Scotty, Our Anatomy has now nicely come to represent a scene that I seriously cannot fucking tolerate. For some reason it, like almost every other scene, is dominated by boys, but the reason here can't be testosterone, as there's simply none to be found. Nope, this scene is the aural equivalent of a poetry zine: self-indulgent, wanky, made by uni students who don't hate Triple J, often influenced by Pink Floyd, overly concerned with fashion and constantly talking about feelings. But for some reason, a dodgy trade or a show that starts late, it occasionally falls into your hands. And that's when, my friend, you will suffer.

15 comments:

budge said...

"I looked outside for where he parked his yacht" evoked a laugh in the middle of my office, good work

Anonymous said...

your head is quite clearly shoved so far up your own arse that your having trouble with seeing/hearing

Timothy said...

It is quite rare that I even bother making a comment on something someone like yourself has plastered on the internet, but I believe after reading the rubbish, it was time to step outside the comfort box.

How ridiculous you are, honestly, you sit on blogspot, whinging about a band who 'represents a scene you can not tolerate'. Wow. Blogspot. I believe there is another hip-super-fun-cool indie band with a song out called 'Pot Kettle Black'. Talking about feelings and whatnot.

Also, please edit and explain why you would go to a show with bands you do not like? Surely you listened to a couple of their songs first? No? Wow. Again, what's with that? Do you go and buy band tshirts, without having listened to the band too?

They were a support act? Go stand outside and show everyone your supercool new band tshirt or something, and pretend to smoke.

The best thing? You're just some wannabe cyber-badass. They're making a name for themself, money, and music, even if it is in a genre you do not 'like'. Which is good, they don't have to cater to -you-.

In this day and age, I'm sure you feel super cool telling all your 'friends' how much you hate this and you hate that.
Go listen to Linkin Park.

Also, be super predictable. Don't approve this comment, the band has seen it/will see it, as will many others. You inspire me with your amazing capacity to be an imbecile.
Congratulations. Now, please, my apologies. I'll stop interrupting your time you dedicate listening to Panic! At The Disco.

Anonymous said...

timothy has said what everybody was thinking so fuck your life..

VEAGNEATINGJIHAD said...

Herbs. I'll start by saying I watched about 20 seconds of said band at pony before receiving a text message saying "downstairs it is"
And downstairs it was! for 45 minutes of scathing hilarity, and remembrances of a time when you could go to a show and not hear the soundtrack one usually encounters shopping for jeans.
Only once have I personally purchased a band's shirt without first giving them a listen(any band who's shirt reads:if you can prove god exists, then I'll hate god, is a band I know i will like regardless) it is possible to do so and not regret it, but i have lost count of the times i have had my ears packed with shit by a "support act".
The internet is the perfect forum for spouting whatever opinion you want. Oh no! A bad review of a baaaaaaand. Pfffft get over it dude. Oh taker of the moral high ground, avoider of petty bullshit! You seem to wade into the sewage like a seasoned shit wader, and to such a long winded degree! I hope Mark McCoy rapes you in an alleyway.

Anonymous said...

my names brendan i cry alot!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah you wannabe cyber-badass! How dare you insult them! They're making MONEY!

dase said...

so a dude said he didn't like a band...and people are getting hurt about it, why exactly?

This is why so many fucking mediocre bands are around. Because it's like every arsehole with a guitar can get up and do something and if it's the right shaped peg for the correct hole we'll all call it 'amazing'. People seem afraid to express a goddamn opinion anymore and that's sad.

- Dase (straightedgeterrorforce at hotmail dot com)

Anonymous said...

i actually really like our anatomy. i think that jason SHREDS, andrew has a lovely voice, the wandering bass improv was impressive to say the least and scott's drumming is always snappy and mind-blowingly creative.

opinions are like arseholes [indeed!] but if someone got this mean and personal about me i'd be pretty bummed out. this is a bit beyond musical critique.

-quid
jacquie_hynesAThotmailDOTcom

Mark Groves said...

I love you Brendan.

harriet said...

you relinquished your right to that email address long ago my friend.

Anonymous said...

so being xXxEDGExXx isnt scene? wake up..

Harry said...

Laughing very hard at the 'cyber-badarse' comment. Amazing.

dase said...

hah take it off me Pavlis. Just try.

Quid has a point. I'd be bummed if a negative statement about my band had to do with how I'm fat with a shit beard rather than the fact that we wish it was 1996.

And if the comment about straightedge is for me? 'Straightedge terror force' is a funny Final Exit song. We didn't use the word 'scene' when I claimed edge, 13 years ago. You've got my email address if you wish to continue this further.

meq said...

this review is clever and funny. too all the h8ers at least you had the balls to tell them they sucked when you saw them live too.
Timothy your a walking contradiction, grow a dick.